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| On
September 10th of 2001 I was where I am now, probably doing much the
same thing I am doing now-procrastinating on work by writing emails.
The only thing extraordinary about that day was that I was settling
in to a completely different reality in a different country with a
different language at a different kind of job. In other words, every
little thing about every day was a vicious struggle or a complete
joy, an utter failure or an overwhelming success. On September 10th
of 2001 I had been living in Santiago, Chile for a little over two
months. I still couldn't speak much Spanish and I understood about
one tenth of what people said to me in their Chilean accent: speaking
a mile a minute, dropping the "s's" off of their words and
using so much Chilean slang that it sounded like it could have been
Chinese or Dutch for all I knew. I found myself thinking much of the time, "nothing is easy, EVERYTHING is difficult, a trial." And it was true. From going to the grocery store and trying to figure out ingredients and cooking directions, to finding my way on a bus to get to a store to buy contact lense solution because they don't sell it in the regular stores here. Nothing came easily, painlessly- every stupid task exacted an ounce of sweat and a pound of frustration. I also found myself, however, reveling in how this new reality was forcing me to be more aware, to constantly think. I wavered between being disgustingly self-pitying at times, to thinking myself so much better off for having moved outside my comfort zones instead of being complacent and stagnant, sticking with what was readily available. I had actively sought out a more challenging lifestyle and reality in order to foster my own personal growth and to achieve certain long-standing goals. I was humbled at every moment of the day, yet I had never felt better about myself and what I was doing. I purposely changed my reality, made myself live another lifestyle, and welcomed the opportunity to see the world from a different perspective. I was glad to be away from the United States, having felt suffocated by consumerism and competitiveness living right outside of Washington, DC for so long. I wanted to be in a culture that was slower and appreciated leisure time and family more. I found myself feeling sorry for friends and family back in the States, seeing them as trapped inside a cage of comfort- having everything come so easily, comparatively speaking. I look back on that time, on that mentality, and see a woman with blinders on, carrying a heavy burden and feeling so righteous for doing it. All the while, the protective net of her citizenship allowing her to fall into safety whenever she tripped on her way. I did not, on September 10th, appreciate the fact that without having lived in the United States I most likely never would have had the opportunity to live and work abroad. I was so focused on what was wrong with the US that I could not see everything that was right with it- that still is right with it. And as my tribulations and exaltations here have emphasized to me, over and over again, there can be no sweet without the bitter- there can be no true comprehension and value of freedom and convenience and comfort and prosperity without having also experienced their ugly counterparts. Such is the law of life; ying-yang, light-dark, God-Satan, order-chaos, put it in whatever formula or philosophy you like, truth is truth. |
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